Thursday, January 6, 2011

The little joys

I still surprise myself.. often.  Here I am riding a bike into work... I feel the wind in my hair and my bag on my back, I'm still a little nervous in traffic, but I'm lucky it's only a short ride deviod of any really busy roads, and I can hardly believe this is me, I'm that person, riding a bike to work.  I'm that person who got up at 6am and went for a run!  I'm that person who can hardly believe those smaller clothes sizes actually fit, no longer finding change rooms the nightmare they used to be.

But I still know that feeling of how insurmountable it can all seem, in the larger scheme of things 20 months has flown by unbelievably fast.  Yet looking down that barrel at the beginning just the idea of a year seemed so far, such a long road to take.

I spent so long wishing, and all that time had I just been doing... I would have been here sooner.  Wish wish wish, here's the kicker, it's all in the do, do, doing...!

I've been so lucky with the support, I know some people find that others in their lives are not supportive, don't care, or actively seek to sabatoge their efforts.  I have found most everyone to be incredibly encouraging, and frankly I've loved it!  All those times I came into work and had someone tell me that I looked good, or that I looked like I'd lost more weight, that I looked healthy, all my friends and family who did the same.  Then there are all those people I've met since losing weight or after losing a significant amount of weight who tell me they can't ever imagine me being bigger, or that I don't look like I used to be a big girl.  Lucky indeed.  But what happens now.... how do you transition into this just being you, I can't rely on those people forever to tell me that I still look like I've lost weight, for soon, how I am now will become the norm, people will forget how I was and see me how I am... how do I know continue on without all that positive reinforcement.

I know not everyone likes the comments, frankly I do! :D I'm being honest, it's pointless for me to deny it.  So for me I'm trying to enjoy those little things that mean something to me, like how I feel when I'm riding the bike, or that extra push I get when I'm running downhill (it feels so much better after running up a hill), or the fact that I'm lucky and healthy enough to actually do those things.

I try to focus on the fact that there are so many new things I not only want to try but now I CAN try.  Last year it was the City2Surf and Snow Skiing, this year it's a Half Marathon and swimming!  I love feeling so strong and open, open to trying and experiencing new things.  I even just love getting a little dressed up and going out with the girls, it used to be such a painful experience wrought with what to wear and filled with worries about who might be looking at me and what others thought... now I just don't care but in a good way! (If that makes sense hehehe, ramble ramble, I know).

Upside down, upside down...
Another exciting thing to look forward to is a revisit to Queensland.  We went October 2008. I had lost exactly 20kg's and was feeling pretty good (you know right up until I saw the photos! ;P).  Don't get me wrong I had a ball being a giant kid going on all the rides! But to do it again minus another 30+kg's oh my it's going to be so much fun, and I expect big things stamina wise!

So I suppose in a way I've kinda answered my own question, it's about finding those little joys in life right?  Fitting into that size 10, getting into the pool on a hot day, going braless without taking someone's eye out :p,  finding myself upside down and horizontal during a workout, or even just getting on my hands, kicking my legs up in the air and trying a handstand push-up! What are the little joys in your life, so I can keep an eye out!? :D

1 comment:

  1. I had someone go on my facebook and ask me who the fat person was in all the photos on there.... They didn't even realise that it was me. And it even FEELS like a different person now.

    My little joy is watching Shelby flop on the floor after a 5km run, exhausted. Knowing that I can run with my dog and make HER tired. It used to be the other way around!!